A Message For Guys
Posted by: tony on 09/17/2007 09:57 PM
Updated by: tony on 09/17/2007 09:57 PM
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Expires: 10/18/2007 12:00 AM
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Karen Hall of Some Have Hats, has been counseling her daughter with regard to her lack of dates. She writes:
I said, "There is nothing wrong with you. But there is a problem. The problem is that guys look at you and you look like someone who would not sleep with them on the first date. So they by-pass you for the girls who look like they would.
Well, now this is a pretty sad state of affairs. This will not help Karen's daughter, but the fact is, a boy (of any age, not a man) who will refuse to date a lady because it doesn't look like she'd sleep with him is actually doing her a favor. It's not missing a date, it's dodging a bullet. This guy has a number of serious character flaws, that he is giving you the benefit of knowing. This is akin to a rattlesnake rattling before he strikes. This one would be one to throw back into the pond, but because of the depth of his shallowness (how's that for poetic license) he is not even making you waste your time.
A lady has to ask herself: "Why am I dating?". The proper answer for a marriage minded lady is: "To meet the life partner God has reserved for me". So you are looking for serious problems which would disqualify the guy early, the earlier the better. You don't want to spend a minute more with a guy who is clearly not God's choice for you than you have to. If you're wasting time with him, for whatever reason, you're not spending time with, and getting to know, the guy who God has in mind for you.
If the guy passes the first test and shows no flagrant character flaws, you can take it to the next level. This used to be called "courting", now it's "going steady". You spend more time with him one on one. You get your family and friends involved, and you listen to their advice. I can't stress this enough. The thrill of being with someone you expect to marry can blind you to obvious character flaws that your friends and family can identify. They love you. They want what's best for you. Ask them what they think and listen to them.
Then you start talking marriage... that's a whole 'nother subject.
If you just want to go out places and have a good time, you can go with a bunch of girls and have a lot more fun.
Being a baby boomer, the sexual revolution was in full swing when I was in high school. And I was "religious." As a result, I was labeled "cold," "a prude" and, the worst label in those days, "frigid." I don't know what words are used these days, but I'm sure my daughter will take a pounding from them, whatever they are. It's very hard to convince an 18 year-old that this is a very good thing.
Yes it is. God created sex to bond us. No matter how "protected" you are, you will still be assaulted with the powerful emotions that sex engenders. Nobody makes a condom for your heart. It will get broken.
Also, that bonding will blind you to serious flaws in the guy you're sleeping with. Statistics show that in a non sexual relationship, the average bad relationship lasts 2 years. In a sexual relationship the average bad relationship lasts 5 years. That's three more years of heartache and problems and time that could be spent with your husband.
I've never before read an article that addressed the fact that society's attitude shift needs to begin with the men. Someone, somewhere should be telling men that it is not okay to dump a woman (or refuse to go out with her) because she won't sleep with you.
Of course, all things considered, it's hard to imagine where one might find that messenger.
I can try, Karen.
To you guys
I'm not using the term "man" because a man is not something you are by virtue of being an adult with a penis. A man is something a boy becomes if he's lucky and has the will and inner strength. Family support helps a lot.
The measure of a man is not "scoring". There is nothing manly in that, I'd imagine junkyard dogs "score" more more than you.
The measure of a man is your ability to sacrifice yourself for the one you love. The measure of a man is to keep the promises you make (and that includes your marriage vows). The measure of a man is to lovingly accept your children, support, teach and raise them the absolute best you know how.
The measure of a man means the ability to deny yourself sexual pleasure for the benefit of both yourself and the woman you love.
So you guys all have the potential to become men. You can do it today.
To you adolescent guys of all ages. I'm hoping the ladies who read this have your number. Treating a lady like a commodity will attract ladies who behave like commodities. If you would really like the benefit of meeting women who are loving, faithful and loyal to you, you have to start treating them like the treasures they are.
I think you'll be shocked by the result. I also think you'll like what you experience.
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